For more than a year now, Venezuelans have been chronically suffering from rampant malnutrition, resulting in the loss of 15 – 20 lbs. per year amongst many citizens of the oil-rich nation. Chief Venezuelan governmental strategists have unattestedly stated that the primary reason for this alarming trend is in fact due to American imperialism through climate-change denial, funded by the GMO industry. Citing the Venezuelan daily newspaper “Diario Fea,” a governmental study claims to have found significant concentrations of an American-produced drug that causes severe atrophy and weight loss. Sources involved in the study, speaking on condition of anonymity, have singled-out the fascist leader of The United States, Donald Trump, as the main party liable for such an assault on the Venezuelan people. “Trump’s attack against the Venezuelan people is an opportunity to revise and change cultural consumption patterns,” Venezuela’s agriculture minister proclaimed. “We’re looking for creative solutions in the socialist vision,” Maduro said, “From the high military political command we’ve been in session and permanent activity to cut the chain of coup events.” The Venezuelan leader vowed to put an end to the illegal imperialist nutritional “coup” being committed against his people.
In order to combat this epidemic, pragmatist Nicolas Maduro, Venezuela’s democratically elected president, has announced that the new Supreme Tsar of The People’s Organization On Palatable Nourishment (POOPN) will be no other than the former heroine of community action and pioneer of child nutrition, Michelle Obama. Mrs. Obama, renowned for her successful school lunch program– which introduced a mandatory, well-balanced and delicious nutritional option for all school children– has been praised by prominent experts, such as Michael Moore and Rachel Maddow, for being able to develop such an effective dietary plan (See Photo Below) at only a cost of $278 per meal, paid with public funding. Greedy corporations, mainly small businesses, have complained that the plan is unsustainable and the costs are egregiously high, but can anyone really put a price the smile on a happy students face? They cannot, doing so would be overtly racist.
The new head of POOPN has wasted no time in pushing out fresh solutions to the nutrition problem facing Venezuelans. In a joint effort with “Petróleos de Venezuela,” they have started distributing locally produced edible nutritional “Monthly Family Packages,” which should provide Venezuelans with the nutrition the People deserve (See Photo Below). Anthony Bourdain, one of the world’s foremost experts of delectability, insisted such government subsidized meal options were of the highest caliber and deserve at least 3 Michelin stars, according to an anonymous source close to the matter.
While the government of Venezuela actively pursues groundbreaking initiatives to solve the world hunger crisis, The USA and its sexist Islamophobe-in-chief, continues to deny man-made climate change as the source of global hunger and, instead, promotes a fascist agenda aimed of nutritional discrimination. How many more Venezuelans have to go hungry, before the public realizes that good nutrition always starts at the state level? Time to wake up and make a change, because climate-change is real, and denying so is akin to murdering innocent Venezuelan children.
