Fresh off her plagiarism scandal, Chelsea Handler, once our beloved darling of the state, is now a pioneer in finding new lows: this time sinking fathoms beneath her previous bottoms with an unadulterated racist tirade aimed at African-Americans. Taking a “No-Holds-Barred” approach common in Nazi circles, Handler employs such hate-filled tactics only seen in the closed confines of an Arkansas klan meeting headed by Robert Byrd. The difference: Robert Byrd apologized for his racism and was quickly accepted into the light of our socialist cause, Handler has strayed from our group-think and has decided to take it upon herself to further the agenda of White Supremacy.
No better than a white Christian male, Chelsea pointed her righteous finger at a variety of black community activists, providing a vicious tongue-lashing only a seasoned alcoholic could offer. Handler scoffed that these African-Americans, including an independent black woman, a talented black neuro-surgeon, and a black sheriff, stating that they “are [not] black people,” and mocked them with faux trading cards reminiscent of slave-auction programmes. With a white face and in her typical slurred tone, a by-product of her love for vodka, she railed against minorities and spewed racist vitriol that could only be compared to the drunken tirades of her colleague-in-hatred, Shia LeBouf.
This has caught the eye of many prominent hate-preachers, and sources close to the matter (speaking on condition of anonymity) claim to have overheard that she is currently being groomed for the role of Grand Imperial Dragon, a position fitting for such a cis-gendered bigot. Considering her career of pitfalls as a lackluster comedian, she has apparently decided to forge a new path for herself, a path built on a foundation of racism and paved with KKK cobblestones.
Handler’s racism knows no bounds, and unlike our cherished Mr. Byrd, she will not be forgiven. At the altar of the state, she is an apostate, and in keeping with socialist free-thinking ideals, she should be sent to a state-sponsored re-education facility. This is the only way to collective enlightenment.
